When Life Seems Like So Much More Than You Signed Up For….

Ever felt like this life is becoming so much more than you signed up for and you wonder how to make it through?

Want help seeking how to navigate these crazy twists and turns and still be able to even consider your own goals and dreams?

Even if you aren’t battling Alzheimer’s, Dementia or some other memory challenging setback, you most likely have something that is causing you to question how do I make it through this life?

If you are a family member or caregiver to someone that is in the fight with those diseases – know that I can relate, and I am doing this especially for you.

This blog developed to share about my mom and her Alzheimer’s Adventure and how we learned (and continue to learn) to keep going. How I am chasing my dreams while still being the best daughter to her that I can be. How limiting my life wasn’t helping hers.

Maybe you are seeking assistance on how to find a dream, set a goal, create your legacy even while you are in the midst of extreme life changes? Are you asking yourself is it even fair that I still chase my dreams while my loved one lives this nightmare? Or perhaps you are already on track, and just need little stories and words of positive to encourage you and affirm that you are worth so much more?

Perhaps you have thought of it, but immediately shut it down because you thought it isn’t right for you to seek happiness while another suffers. This blog will hit upon that as well.

Top leaders in our culture say that investing in yourself is essential to your success. I don’t disagree. But I believe there is so much more at stake than just success. Or maybe than just the common American mindset of success, anyway.

I say not only do you deserve to have your goals and dreams, but that investing in yourself and your goals and dreams is one of the best things you can do for others as well.

The average person wouldn’t have even read this far. You show me that you are above average, so why would you not learn how to help the world benefit from that? What’s in you that is just waiting to be released?

I am here to help you learn to make it through those tough days and moments, to get more out of your life, to stay accountable to yourself even in the hard times, to feel more confident, appreciated and all around gain more success in every area of your life. I am also here to tell you that it is ok to cry. It is ok to not be ok. It is ok to seek help.

This blog is here to guide whoever has the ambition and desire to take a shot at their future.

(On a side note) I also do individual coaching personalized to fit your specific situation, contact me for a free consultation and to discuss a plan that meets your needs and budget. Note: my disclaimer will be included in the introductory email which is all a part of the first free session. Email me today at YourPersonalCoachAmy@gmail.com

Here’s to your future! Cheers, Amy

Please Leave, I’m Done

My mom laying in a twin size bed with her baby doll in her arms, covered with a soft blanket.

As I gaze down at mom all settled in her bed with her blanket and her baby doll and I see her little smile – it brings a thought to mind. Perhaps in another reality it would make me laugh except for the fact that our visit is done, and it’s time for me to leave. So instead of laughter, it brings a lump in my throat and a glistening of tears to my eyes. I manage to catch them in my lashes, and not let them roll down my cheek.

The thought was – with the Alzheimer’s my mom is battling, her sense of boundaries has totally overstepped normal propriety. Since things have lifted a little bit with visitation at the home that she lives in, we are now getting to experience some of this change. We can finally go and visit her for our one hour twice a week scheduled visit. The unusual thing is that we find that when mom decides she’s done, she heads to bed. It doesn’t matter if we have been there for only 40 minutes – if there has been enough stimulation with conversation and activity, and she is mentally worn out – she just goes to bed. It’s kind of funny because on the one hand I feel a little offended like “seriously – you don’t get to visit with us that often” and you’re going to stop and go to bed? On the other hand it’s really quite adorable because it’s like a little one that is finished and knows that they need to shut down, so they grab their Blankey and they head for their bed.

Suddenly, as I hold the tears at bay – there is the realization of what a beautiful boundary that is!

When things are becoming too much you shut down instead of pushing yourself to a point where you no longer enjoyed the visit or whatever it was that brought you to this point.

A very upset little baby, perhaps 9 months old, sitting up crying with hands up at his sides, an adult is holding a rattle out for him.

So often we press on, feeling a sense of I don’t know, call it correctness?

We push through and do not listen to ourselves, because it isn’t ‘right’ or ‘proper’ to stop or cancel. We don’t listen to the warning signs that we have had enough. That can end up causing us to resent the situation that we are in. (Even though it was awesome to start with). It can cause us to even come across kind of ungrateful, as annoyance comes to the surface as our emotions begin to boil over.

There’s a saying that you can’t have too much of a good thing. But I have to say that I disagree.

For example, I noticed over the years with the kids that with certain friends there was a time limit on what managed to be a great play date or visit. Some friends could be together for two or three days and still be enjoying themselves, and be sad when they have to go. Other friends, the shelf life didn’t last that long! I knew when we would schedule these visits that when they come at me asking to extend the visit that I had to seem like the bad guy and say no. Because on the times that I didn’t, the visit ended in tears and fighting.

That was with children.

But what about us as adults?

Why is it that we can’t learn to set boundaries and protect ourselves?

Who says that we can’t be real and honest and say this has been great and let’s do this again soon and actually end a visit?

Who says that we can’t say no thank you I’m just not up for it today, even if it’s family?

Who says that we can’t listen to our inner voice and take care of ourselves, possibly also preserving a relationship that may have gotten damaged?

Mind you, this should be done politely, and with an explanation if at all possible. As the receiver, we also need to understand and respect that as well.

That’s the lesson that I got from my mom. She’s a pretty smart cookie.

And while it was hard to tuck her in and walk away, it was much better to do that then to push her to a place where she was uncomfortable and quite possibly would act out.

Thanks mom, I love you.

Photo credit: picture of mom with her blanket and her baby – that was me!

Picture of the baby crying is from Unsplash Photos photos the photographer is Muhammad Murtaza Ghani facebook.com/theartsylens076

As always thank you so much for reading, liking, commenting and sharing!

I Can Choose My View

I didn’t choose the family to be born in. I didn’t choose the mother that would have me. I didn’t choose for her to develop Alzheimer’s disease in her 60’s.

Mom chose to have children, but she couldn’t choose if she would have a son or a daughter. I am quite sure that she didn’t choose to have Alzheimer’s.

Watching my mom progress through the varying stages of this disease has taught me so much. Today I am writing about how I can choose my view, because it is something that I continually watch her do.

I have read countless personal development books. I have attended seminars and conventions. I have associated with people that are on a consistent growth journey.

Yet there is something about being around someone that is going through trauma, and still chooses to be joyful that mystifies me.

I know that we get what we picture. I can quote you quotes that encapsulate the recipe for success by envisioning. I can suggest books and audios that explain how important it is to see what we want our future to be.

I am fully aware that if I don’t define where I am going, that I won’t ever know when I have gotten there.

So, why then am I surprised each time I am met with my mother’s positive attitude?

Let me share an example with you.

We were riding home from church one evening, about 3 years ago. Ken (my husband) was driving. Mom was looking around. We had driven this route a number of times. Suddenly she says that she doesn’t know where she is. She just speaks it as a statement, all calm and rational. Then she told us that it was time for her to give up her license and to no longer drive. She said that she wasn’t about to take a chance on hurting someone else out on the road because of her confusion.

Just like that, she gave up her independence. There was no fighting, no tears, no anger.

She owned a minivan at the time. We gave it to my brother, up in Ohio, so that later in the confusion that Alzheimer’s brings she wouldn’t be upset to see her van and be told that no she couldn’t drive it.

In the time since her announcement, she periodically mentions that she hasn’t driven for a long time; but not once have we dealt with any issue about her not driving.

Mom chose to view this as handing over the keys to keep others safe, rather than giving up her right to drive.

Can I honestly say that I would see it that way? No, I don’t think I am there yet. I hope one day to be able to always see the bright side, like she does.